I fell in love with someone,but he said no.

So to move on,I shut him out in reality but he always penetrate into my chain of thoughts. While writing,eating or watching a movie. I cannot imagine a future with him but there's that.

He turned back and told me he's falling for me,that took me by surprise.

wah kao.. it's like submitting all your proposals to your boss and having them all rejected one by one until you nothing to say. LOL. Seriously. Initially you still can ask your boss why reject right,even though it's a warped reason. But the more they reject,then the more you just lan lan shut up liao la. WTF. Seriously. What can I say? WHAT CAN I SAY? LOL,3 letters.

WTF.

XY says that I'm very xinfu to have found someone who bothers to sms goodnight wishes. More than just goodnight wishes,but sweet nothings that serves as constant assurance to me that he's still here. I'm glad too bee,I'm very comforted to know that you are here and will be here.

I miss you.

当我需要你，你不在身边。当你需要我，我不能在你身边。有什么意义呢？你告诉我，我们该怎么办？

I honestly have got no idea why I am feeling this way,

But I just feel very insecure about us. Maybe my friend is right but just some consideration to be taken into place. That first of all,he's a uni student,he hasn't met many girls yet and it is most likely that they will ask him to study together after school. Really,I don't eliminate that possibility either because this is only sem 1,this might REALLY happen in the next sem.

Every guy tells their girl that he's different,but hey,the irony is that its exactly what they said that makes all of them the same! So how the hell do I know that he's absolutely/for-sure/guarantee plus chop that he's staying and won't be attracted to other girls?

Much confidence as I have in myself about my own character etc,opinionated and strong will-ed,I don't deny that I can't be compared to other girls academically. I'm 18 and just finished secondary school,there are many other girls out there who's 19 and already entered university. It really does makes sense,why shouldn't he choose them over me? I mean,they're smart,they can study together and eat lunch together,plenty of time can be spent together in each other's company!

So.. I was told not to put in everything and give all these some consideration. I don't deny that it's a possibility,but I will definitely keep a lookout for any first signs of infidelity. Oh wells,I'm pretty gloomy over this. And as what people always say,action speaks louder than words. I'm quite sure he's already trying,is he? Or is it because it doesn't seem to go the way that I expect?

What am I thinking? Is it exam stress? The feel that we are not spending enough time together as a couple and that we spent time together as how any classmates would,yes or not? =/
I really... Insecured.

It's been 3 weeks since I last updated. I just went to check my marks for english and math paper. They are super fast,seriously. Good or bad news is that,I borderline fail or pass for both papers. But at least I more or less know what's going to come out for tomorrow's papers.

Much as I tell myself that those grades are achievable,its seem pretty hard to obtain now. Not that I am losing faith,but I just wonder. What happens if I don't get my results? What are the options to opened up for me? I know what he's bound to see,give me that "See? I told you to study but you didn't listen." Thank you very much,but the last thing I need was someone to focus on the problem than looking forward with optimism and suggesting a better answer.

Then again,all might not be lost. We'll just hope,see and pray hard for the results that's going to come in January. So what's going to come? Hmmm..... I honestly don't know,feeling a little lost but slightly optimistic because I know no doors will ever be shut out for me. All I need, is faith and optimism.


What I need to do,is really look and stare at my question. I realise a lot of problems are due to my carelessness. Alright,I gotta make this work. Really,I have to.

Living in a constant wonder if we are perfect for each other.

Always pondering,insecure. The slightest bit of reluctance to agree can throw me into the abyss of insecurity. Often wonder if you would be here,supporting me through and through or would abandon me at the first sight of a brewing storm?